Men & Couples

About Men & Couples

A relational coaching and therapy practice supporting men, couples, and families navigating high-responsibility lives.

Orientation

Our Work

Men & Couples is a relational coaching and therapy practice based in downtown Santa Barbara, serving clients throughout California, the United States, and Canada where coaching is permitted.

The focus of this work is helping men, couples, and families build relationships that are honest, respectful, and alive, especially in high-pressure, high-responsibility lives where stress, leadership, and long-term commitments can strain connection

Background

About Kolby

I am Koby Smutylo, a former business lawyer and entrepreneur, and a clinician-in-training in clinical psychology. I bring a blend of rigorous thinking, real-world professional experience, and committed relational work to the men and couples I serve.

Before moving into the mental health and relational field, I spent decades advising entrepreneurs and companies as a corporate and securities lawyer. I understand the pressures of high-stakes decision-making, financial responsibility, and leadership, and how those pressures can both support and undermine intimate relationships.

Approach

How My Work Is Informed

My work is informed by a combination of clinical frameworks, systems thinking, and lived experience, including:

Relational Life Therapy (RLT), developed by Terry Real
Family systems and developmental perspectives
Somatic and trauma-informed principles
My own experience as a partner, parent, and professional navigating high-responsibility roles

This approach emphasizes accountability, emotional skill-building, and practical change in how people show up in their relationships.

Philosophy

What I Believe

At Men & Couples, I believe:

We are wired for connection, yet most of us were never taught how to do it well
Accountability and compassion are both essential for meaningful growth
Men benefit from spaces where they can be challenged without being shamed
Couples can learn to fight fair, repair deeply, and build something better than what they have known
There is strength, not weakness, in asking for targeted, expert help

Scope

Coaching and Therapy

offer relational coaching for men and couples in the United States and Canada where coaching is permitted. I also provide therapy for individuals and couples in California, within my legal and professional scope of practice.

Throughout this site, I clearly distinguish between coaching and therapy and will help you determine which approach is appropriate for your situation.

Philosophy

Who This Work Is For

I primarily work with:

High-achieving men who feel stuck, reactive, or misunderstood in their relationships
Couples facing conflict, disconnection, or major crossroads in their marriage or partnership
Parents concerned about their sons' emotional and relational development
Professionals, founders, executives, and their partners who value direct feedback, discretion, and real change