Men & Couples
Therapy & Coaching for Couples in Santa Barbara and Online
Relational coaching and therapy for couples who want to interrupt destructive patterns and explore what is possible for their relationship.
Offerings
Our Services
“Change begins the moment you feel safe enough to be honest.”
For Couples
Who This Work Is For
This work is for couples who are willing to look honestly at what is happening between them and take responsibility for changing entrenched patterns. You may be highly functional in other areas of life, yet feel stuck, disconnected, or repeatedly hurt in your relationship.
This is not about assigning blame or deciding who is “right.” It is about understanding the dynamic you are caught in and learning how to interrupt it.
I primarily work with couples who:
Feel caught in recurring cycles of conflict, withdrawal, or resentment
Appear stable or successful externally, while experiencing strain or fragility internally
Are navigating betrayal, infidelity, or significant breaches of trust
Struggle around money, parenting, intimacy, power, or competing work demands
Are at a crossroads and trying to determine whether and how the relationship can move forward
This work requires honesty, effort, and a willingness to engage differently than you have before.
Focus
What We Focus On in Couples Work
In couples work, the focus is not on assigning fault or reliving the same argument in new language. It is on understanding the relational pattern you are caught in and learning how to change it in real time.
This work is practical, direct, and skills-based, with an emphasis on accountability, repair, and restoring balance.
In our work together, we focus on:
Identifying and interrupting recurring conflict cycles before they escalate
Learning how each partner contributes to the dynamic, without collapsing into blame or defensiveness
Replacing losing strategies such as criticism, withdrawal, control, or compliance with more effective ways of relating
Developing fair, respectful communication and repair skills that actually work under stress
Rebuilding trust, emotional safety, and intimacy over time
Approach
A Direct, Relational Approach
In couples work, a direct approach matters. Many partners arrive having spent months or years talking about the same issues without meaningful change. This work is designed to interrupt that pattern.
The focus is on what is actually happening between you, in real time, and how to respond differently when stress, conflict, or disconnection shows up.
This approach is relational rather than individual. We pay close attention to the dynamic you create together, not just each person’s position or story. That means looking honestly at how power, responsibility, and reactivity move back and forth between you.
The work is also accountability-based. Both partners are expected to take responsibility for their part in the pattern, even when the impact has felt unequal or painful. Accountability here is not about blame; it is about creating leverage for change.
Sessions are active and engaged. I will interrupt unproductive cycles, name patterns as they emerge, and help you practice more effective ways of communicating, repairing, and staying connected, especially when emotions are high.
Clarity
Coaching vs Therapy for Couples
Couples often ask whether they need coaching, therapy, or some combination of both. The answer depends on what you are facing, what support you need, and where you are located.
This page clearly distinguishes between coaching and therapy so you understand the frame we are working within from the start.
Relational coaching for couples may be a good fit when:
Both partners are able to engage without active safety concerns
You are seeking practical tools, accountability, and forward movement
The primary challenges are relational patterns, communication, conflict, or disconnection
You want to reset how you relate rather than focus on diagnosis or treatment
Couples therapy may be more appropriate when:
One or both partners are dealing with significant mental health concerns
There is unresolved trauma, addiction, or chronic emotional instability
Clinical treatment is needed alongside relational work
Scope and location matter:
For California residents, I may offer couples therapy within my professional scope of practice
For clients outside California, I offer coaching only
In all cases, I will be clear about whether coaching, therapy, or referral is the most appropriate path
Process
The Process
In couples work, the process typically includes:
Identifying the recurring patterns and cycles you get stuck in, especially during conflict or stress
Interrupting escalation, withdrawal, or gridlock so conversations do not keep ending the same way
Learning practical skills for fair fighting, repair, and emotional regulation
Clarifying individual and shared accountability within the relationship
Strengthening trust, emotional safety, and connection over time.
As the relationship stabilizes, the work may deepen to include:
Family-of-origin patterns that shape how each partner responds under pressure
Power, fairness, and role dynamics within the partnership
Repair after betrayal, infidelity, or long-term emotional disconnection
Rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy in ways that fit your real life
Insight is always paired with practical application, so changes show up between sessions, not just during them.
Take the Next Step
If this work feels aligned, the next step is a brief conversation. There is no pressure to commit and no expectation to have everything figured out. It is simply a chance to talk through what is bringing you here and whether this approach is a good fit.
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